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Golfing Trophies Become More Personal

In efforts to boost network ratings and entice golfers on a more personal level than previously done -  A prominent golfer's association handed out what has been called the "after hours" trophy - at a tournament on Monday.  A "special" post-tournament show is expected to air on Cinemax later this week.




This Just In: First Ever Afghanistan Pageant to be held this Saturday.



Singing Commuters Find Safe Haven

Commuters across the nation have discovered that singing in car with a hands-free cell phone kit in ear, can deceive passers-by, into thinking you are simply talking on the phone.  This has bought new levels of security in commuting performances, and has prompted singing to many artists never before done in public.

However, this method of stealth is much less effective when accompanied by dashboard drumming, holding objects like a microphone, or playing air-guitar.



This Just In: Effects of Pregnant women smoking marijuana "non-conclusive" argues High Times magazine.


Letting Go

Jealous X-wife Carla Dottson gave a subscription to The Health Channel to her X-husband's hypochondriac fiancÚ to help heal the grudges between them.  "My only hidden agenda is the one that I am not going to disclose." says Dottson, "I have let go and will accept what comes, but I know in my heart, a reunion with my X is meant to be."

The fiancÚ has not been seen in public since the gift was presented to her two months ago, but Dottson remains "hopeful", as she continues to wait outside her X-husband's place of work during his lunch hour.



This Just In: France to institute "National Fidelity Day"



Investor News: Basically, everyone got stripped down, bent over and buggered publicly this week.



Breaking News: Sara Lee to market new "crust-less bread", targeting overly ambitious Americans who don't have enough time to cut the crust off themselves.



Breaking News: Tim Allen arrested for Impersonating Geraldo Rivera.




Arafat Awarded: "Mr. Photogenic 2002"



Inflatable Altar Boys

In the wake of recent scandals and restrictions placed on Catholic priests, sales of blow-up altar boy dolls have skyrocketed.  Church member Melvin Walton is hopeful, saying, "This is obviously a sign that times are changing"