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94 year old billionaire takes advantage of 24 year old playmate, dupes her into marriage.

Beverly Hills, CA - 94 year old Billionaire Richard Blanc was said to have duped 24 year old playmate into marriage this week.  "It must have been the oxygen tank, I was so light headed" said Misty Mountains.  Blanc was not able to comment on the accusations, since he has not been able to speak since his stroke last year, which rendered him an unconscious drooling vegetable.

Colonics Misunderstood.

Colonics, is a trendy method of cleansing one's body by rinsing the colon and lower intestine, to clear it of... well...poop.  It has been growing in popularity by the minute, despite actual results of the procedure.  It can be a quite painful process, and will be extremely uncomfortable, to say the least.

"I was so surprised!" said Sheryl Cunningham, "I thought it would be a soothing relaxing experience to have a hose placed in my rectum, and have pressurized water blow all of the shit out of my ass."

Sheryl was first drawn to the procedure when she followed a "Hooked on Colonics Worked for Me" banner on the web.

Next she plans on looking into Ear Coning (pouring hot wax into ears), Trepanation (drilling hole in head) as well as having entrails ripped out with a scythe.

Miss Cleo not Jamaican

Miss Cleo, spokesperson and mascot for psychic hotline was found not to be from Jamaica.  "Strange, her accent sounded so convincing" said Claudia Sponge.

This Just In: Stoner listens to Pink Floyd with complete devotion, relates to music on level of depth we could  never understand.  Sober individuals found to completely agree.