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Jews, Victims of Stereotype.
"We need to stop stereotyping Jews." said Rabbi Scheckle, "It is completely unfair to do so. We are good men who don't waste any money, we are usually rich, we are all great businessmen, and though we all have big noses, we should not be stereotyped."
Al Qaeda Soldiers Resume Training.
Thursday, soldiers in the mountains of Afghanistan dug a hole in some dirt then took turns jumping in and out of it. US intelligence officials via spy satellite watch them jump in and out of the dirt hole and laugh for hours on end. "This is the funniest damn thing we've seen since the video of Bin Laden that was supposed to make him look tough, we can't bear to kill these hole jumpers - it's just too damn funny!"
The officials vowed not to drop a bunker buster on them, until the humor has worn off. "But that's not likely to happen anytime soon" added one official with tears streaming down his face from laughing so hard..
3 Weenies, 1 Truck
Late night cable shows 3 Japanese men pulling a large truck with their penises. Though many of us feel that it is completely stupid, it turns out, genitalia that looks like a ramen noodle can be quite sought after in some cultures.
Sopranos Success Impacts Nation
Sopranos success leads to countless people across nation reminding people they are Italian and have family on the East coast. Most have not seen or heard from them in years, if at all - but, plans are continually underway to schedule a "sitdown" with them.
Unfortunately, people "Are not allowed to say" whether family members are actually in the mob or not. Though misleading "wink wink" gestures accompanied by this kind of talk are up 400% this year.
Jar Jar Binks Criticism Escalates Into All-Out Racial Disaster.
With the upcoming release of Star Wars Episode II, renewed criticism arises surrounding Jar Jar Binks. It is said that Jar Jar, and the entire Gungan race was modeled after African Americans and is insulting to their race. The words:
"Meesa Lika Dis", said by Boss Nass in Episode I, were first uttered by Samuel L. Jackson, when eating a cheeseburger on the set of Pulp Fiction.
"Weesa People Gonna Die?" was clearly stated by Denzel Washington once, when he got a flat tire.
"Alli Kanae Owa Owa Owa" was a first said by Dennis Rodman in a dress store.
And, "Yousa be rollin light saybas up in heesa grill", said by Binks to Qui Gon Jinn was a horrific variation on a statement made by on Ted Lange on Love Boat in the 70's.
Ahmed Best, who played Jar Jar Binks, is currently seeking consolation from Gary Coleman ("What jew talkin about Willis?") and Emanuel Lewis (Webster).
Another mob has also assembled in protest of Luke Skywalker being modeled after white people, and giving all whiteys a bad name. Mark Hamil showed up for the confrontation, pleading to the public, "That's not true, that's Impossible!" reenacting a scene where Darth Vader said, "I'm yo daddy" in Empire Strikes Back.
Roseanne Barr protested that Jabba The Hut was an insult to her, but when she realized she was still an emotionally abused loser in rural central Utah when Return of the Jedi was released, she left.
Critics are also looking into the Ewoks (furry creatures of Episode VI fame) being modeled after Eskimos, as they were actually the first to ever say, "Celebrate the Love, nub nub." And as if that were not enough, they are making allusions to Jawas being carbon copies of small hooded race of glowing eyed men in the Sahara Desert who frequently say "Ees Kabo Da".
Lucas is under much pressure with Episode II set to hit theaters this May. Opening night for the film has been pushed deeper into May, so as not to interfere with Cinco De Mayo.