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Men with Big Noses?

Arizona State University - In efforts to explore implications of men who have big noses, a rigorous 2 year study came to a close last week.  The preliminary data compilation was performed over the weekend, and an unofficial results sheet was released Monday.  "Our study appears to have the results we anticipated, and completely support our Hypothesis." said Dr. of Proportionology Professor Jones, "Though much data has yet to be processed, and we cannot say for certain at this point, it appears that men with big noses are, in fact, above average, when it comes to being funny looking."

Survivor Updates

• Guy calls cook a queer, speculates another guy has "a small sausage"

• Everyone but Pappy gets shafted - he gets half an island and 4 women.

• Harlem man still 'representin'

• Big, Fake boobs downgraded to vote-off status.

Sitcom Pilot Malcom X in the Middle flops.

Schaeffer Coming Out of Closet Rumor, False

Rumors of David Letterman sidekick and co-host, Paul Schaefer coming out of closet have been widespread over the past weeks.  "Everyone is talking about it." said some guy.

Sources say that further investigation into the matter led to disappointment for all.  Paul Schaeffer still devoutly denies rumor, saying "No, I am not Canadian"

Disturbance Results in Arrest

Oceanside, CA - Man arrested downtown for disturbing the peace, "He...was...scare...ing....me" said a lady who had been traumatized to the point of shaking.  The deranged man had been walking around the city for days, talking into a cell phone, saying, "Can you hear me now?   Good."  followed by, "Can you hear me now?  Good."

The disturbed lady is beginning  to feel better after the token blanket and cup of coffee from local police, "He kept...say...ing....it" she tells enraged officers.