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Prostitution and Mystery Fetish in the Open

Las Vegas, NV - Not only drinks are being offered in our planet's gambling capitol.  Countless oriental cocktail waitresses have been spotted offering men a "cock tear".  Though we are uncertain of just what is involved with a "cock tear", and have not witnessed one being given, we do know they are being offered openly.  Sources speculate on some type of S and M activity. 

"It sounds painful to me" said gambler, Larry Grovves, who turned down the offer, "But I never thought it would be fun to have a red rubber gag ball shoved in my mouth while being flogged with a horse tail either."



More Vegas News

After conducting several "Set a coffee mug on back region behind armpit" tests, sources have concluded that frequenters of the Fremont Street/Glitter Gulch area of downtown Las Vegas are in pretty sorry fucking shape.  17 of 100 people who participated in the test were able to support the mug with minimal effort - and 15 of them didn't even notice it was placed there.  In contrast, tourists and locals at more prominent locations on the Vegas Strip had a much lower 3 in 100 "mug behind the armpit ratio."

Further tests are underway, including:  "Lost Sandwich Discovery", "Can you lift your arm?", and "Ankle Hang"



Woody Allen Breaks Away From Marriage To Daughter

Allen gave a speech about his upcoming film, shot in New York.  During his speech, he made reference to some of the film's humor, such as: 'A man with a foot fetish who is attracted to a journalist's footnotes.' Captivating.



News Staff In Turmoil

News anchors and reporters across the country are struggling to expand their vocabulary.  This, following the announcement that they have used up all allowable instances of saying "Ramifications" this year.



    Despite targeted marketing, SE7EN Layer Burrito not selling well