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This Just In: Chevrolet releases document apologizing for El Camino

Rap Record Recognized

Boston - Rapper MC Dawg set an all time Rap music record Tuesday.  Dawg busted out his dope rhymes before a sell out crowd of 50,000 fans.  At one point in his performance, Dawg was rumored to have gone 32 seconds without talking about himself - ten times the maximum time frame previously recorded. 

Upon close scrutiny and replay of digital recordings of the concert segment, it has been verified by Guinness as being a full 30 second span, in which he did not talk about himself.  This event has stunned a nation of fans, and this record will undoubtedly stand for a very long time.

Rappers, P-Ditty, Dr. Dre and Snoopy are outraged by MC Dawg's poor job of "representin" Dre: "Dis shih wack beeatch I be poppin caps upside yo ayass"  P-Ditty: "In da wesside yo dawg be frontin up aint gahts ta axe no mo bout ma crib an shih"  Snoopy: "Yo yo dat shiyah ain't be representin yo be frontin I be dissin"  Translators are unavailable at this time.

Breaking News: Big Mac voted favorite burger to bite into and have lettuce blow all over the fucking place.

KKK enrollments up 100% this year

The KKK has enlisted 1 man, which will bring their total membership up to 8 people.  "At this rate, will be able to have a real rally by the year 2350."  said hooded spokes-racist.

Bonzi Buddy Arrested Bonzi Buddy faces conviction on over 4 million counts of duping gullible net surfers into installing him on their computers. This, following last month's indictment of the elusive "gator" - which also preyed on naivety.

Pedophile Membership in Catholic Church Jumps 1600%

Following recent scandals in the Catholic Church, membership among pedophiles has increased dramatically in recent weeks.  "Altar boys, Wine and Money?  Where do I sign up?!" said 12 time sexual offender, Jim Flitzen.

Breaking News: "No one in line to succeed Arafat." say analysts.  "His death would bring disorder and chaos to an otherwise, entirely peaceful area of the world."