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This Just In: Chevrolet releases document apologizing for El Camino
Rap Record Recognized
Boston - Rapper MC Dawg set an all time Rap music record Tuesday. Dawg busted out his dope rhymes before a sell out crowd of 50,000 fans. At one point in his performance, Dawg was rumored to have gone 32 seconds without talking about himself - ten times the maximum time frame previously recorded.
Upon close scrutiny and replay of digital recordings of the concert segment, it has been verified by Guinness as being a full 30 second span, in which he did not talk about himself. This event has stunned a nation of fans, and this record will undoubtedly stand for a very long time.
Rappers, P-Ditty, Dr. Dre and Snoopy are outraged by MC Dawg's poor job of "representin" Dre: "Dis shih wack beeatch I be poppin caps upside yo ayass" P-Ditty: "In da wesside yo dawg be frontin up aint gahts ta axe no mo bout ma crib an shih" Snoopy: "Yo yo dat shiyah ain't be representin yo be frontin I be dissin" Translators are unavailable at this time.
Breaking News: Big Mac voted favorite burger to bite into and have lettuce blow all over the fucking place.
KKK enrollments up 100% this year
The KKK has enlisted 1 man, which will bring their total membership up to 8 people. "At this rate, will be able to have a real rally by the year 2350." said hooded spokes-racist.
Bonzi Buddy Arrested
Bonzi Buddy faces conviction on over 4 million counts of duping gullible net surfers into installing him on their computers.
This, following last month's indictment of the elusive "gator" - which also preyed on naivety.
Pedophile Membership in Catholic Church Jumps 1600%
Following recent scandals in the Catholic Church, membership among pedophiles has increased dramatically in recent weeks. "Altar boys, Wine and Money? Where do I sign up?!" said 12 time sexual offender, Jim Flitzen.
Breaking News: "No one in line to succeed Arafat." say analysts. "His death would bring disorder and chaos to an otherwise, entirely peaceful area of the world."