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In the wake of comic super hero inspired films, Joan Rivers inks deal for leading role in "The Face"

Date Search - A Failure

Singles ad, placed by SWF seeking SWM did not end up getting her a FD.

Breaking News: Some more stuff blew up in the middle east

This Just In: Due to shortage of pig uterus, Olive Garden leftovers to be eaten on next episode of Fear Factor.

Shampoo and Conditioner Lids Receive Ridicule

A hair care products manufacturer receives strong criticism for it's patented "Screw Easy" bottle lids.  When confronted on the shape of their packaging, spokesperson Dixie Dynamite issued the following statement: "We have gone where no other hair care company has gone before.  We have spent years researching easily removed bottle lids such as the 'get off easy' lid and 'the violator lid' - before we arrived at the current lid type.  These can easily be removed when in the shower, rather than slipping in your hand as other shampoo and conditioner bottles do."  For more information, consumers are encouraged to contact Dixie by telephone, at 1-900-WetLove.

Though still in final testing stage, the new lids are expected to hit retailer's shelves in as few as six months. 

In Defensive News

Our interview with female stripper, Lisa Overston promptly ended as she screamed, "I make over 200 an hour!" before speeding off in her primered geo metro with missing window.