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Hillary Seeks Sympathy

Following countless blunders in post-September 11 appearances, such as eye-rolling, smirks and yawns - Hillary sought the sympathy of residents by re-enacting the Lewinski incident at a NY sub shop.



This Just In: Denver Man Sued By Libido, after quoting Shakespeare, boring his date who simply wanted to get it on.



In Protesting News

Man threatens to act like moron, if the U.S. does not cease occupation of Afghanistan.  US officials challenge the man to drink a a thick milkshake through a straw.



Man In the Box

Seattle - Lane Staley, who sang "Man In The Box" and many other popular songs from the grunge era was found dead in his apartment last Friday.  The Alice In Chains singer had been dead for 2 weeks before his body was found.  Surrounded by heroin paraphernalia, officials cannot speculate as to the cause of his death at this time.