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Breaking News: Arafat, running out of options - tells sources he may not know Karate, but he definitely knows Karazy.

Company Changes Name

Law Firm Melrose-Hansen-Kirshaw-Meecham-Berry-Marlow-Callaway decided their name was just fucking stupid.  Next month, the firm plans to change their name to Callaway-Marlow-Berry-Meecham-Kirshaw-Hansen-Melrose.

Breaking News: Herpes Found on Doorknob, husband blames his affair.

Man receives pre-approved credit card application

After receiving a pre-approved credit card application in the mail, Roy Fellman tells his friends about all the things he will be able to purchase.  This card comes with a low introductory rate of 0.9% APR for the first day, and variable 90% APR thereafter.  A $199 annual fee will be posted to his $200 credit line with a one-time 30 day grace period.  Roy plans to "expand his Star Wars collection significantly" and is eager to exercise the clout that comes along with a card such as this.

Breaking News: Taliban Found in Star Wars Galaxy