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Anti-Depressant Manufacturers Team up with Television Networks
With raised concerns of Americans obtaining a sense of well-being and control over their lives, a monstrous deal has been inked between several manufacturers of anti-depressant medications and television networks. In a multi-pronged approach, the deal makers plan an attack on medicine cabinets and televisions across the nation, which could roll out as early as next month.
A new drug, known as Probutriban will be launched, and widely distributed via a commission incentive program offered to psychiatrists and mental health clinics throughout the U.S.. Additionally, television networks plan a bold increase in sitcoms, soap operas, talk shows and Hollywood gossip programs - which they claim will "practically guarantee" significant emotional voids, loss of identity and the virtual elimination of self worth and ambition in people's lives.
"There is nothing more fearsome than the thought of people becoming accountable for themselves and in control of their lives." said one spokesperson.
Though un-confirmed, several caffeinated beverage companies are rumored to be edging in on the deal as well.
In any case, the combined effort, dubbed "six ways to Sunday" should sustain or increase the number of worthless and unaccountable people in this country for many years to come.