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"Soylent Beige" - An Answer to World Hunger?

A new plan has been drafted to put an end to starvation and food shortage problems, which plague third-world countries across the globe.  Exact details have not yet been revealed, but officials have indicated the discovery of a new food source in the wake of increased soldier deaths in countries which end in 'stan'.  Though details could not be obtained, we were, however, able to obtain this rare photo of one of the chefs and his food processor.

 

 

 

Scientific Breakthrough Indicates Genetic Link Between Known Terrorists and Extremists

Months of late nights and countless doobies are about to pay off for Berkeley researchers who have found a common genetic thread between known terrorists and extremists.

The "Ass Face Gene" has been present in all tissue samples collected from a cross section of known terrorists and extremists says head researcher Dr. John "Chronic" Adams. 

While this has been shocking to most people, many were not shocked, saying, "The signs have always been there"

 

 

 

Saddam Hussein Awarded "Best Dick Broom 2002"

Runners up included Tom Selleck (Magnum P.I.), Dennis Franz (Sipowitz, NYPD Blue) and a hand full of highway patrol officers across the United States.

Al Gore received honorable mention, but was clearly not in contention for the award at any time.  While Gore strongly disputes the loss, his facial hair had not grown in by the deadline set forth for the competition.