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This Just In: Eating something with goat cheese as an ingredient does not constitute the continuous announcement of it's presence in your food.



Rap Influence Spreads to Middle East

M.C. Muhammad (MCM) sends a shout-out to his homies on the West Bank, drops figs on the ground "for those who are no longer with us"

MCM has busted such rhymes as, "I aint playin bitch, I'll smash your dome on the rock" and "Jihad in ya grill"

When approached for his take on the rap industry's far reaching influence, Dr. Dre reportedly said, "What the fuck is a fig?"



This Just In: Man passes gas in restaurant, makes several unsuccessful attempts at reproducing sound with soles of




Man Identified

Fresno - In a "smash and grab" burglary of a local strip mall, a closed circuit security camera saw all and was able to positively identify the burglar who fled the scene late Friday night.  He has been identified as being approximately 5'7" in height, wearing shoes, jeans, a t-shirt and a sombrero.

Investigators have released the photo shown here for reference, but note the slight possibility that the suspect is no longer wearing the sombrero



New Teletubbie Revives Controversy

The newest member of the Teletubbie clan, "hum hum" has re-ignited controversy about the homosexual innuendos and undertones of the children's show.   Tinky Winky and Po were available for comment, as were the show's producers - which were busy working on the set of "A-Train VII".


Breaking News: Blair Witch Daycare shutdown - details to come.