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Investor AlertWith interest rates at 20 year lows, the Nasdaq and Dow declining rapidly, and with stocks crashing on rumors rather than facts or financials, the only sensible option is to sell, sell everything.

 

Breaking News:

Meatloaf Rumored to be gearing up for World Tour.

 

 

Contrary To Popular Belief

It has been found that purchasing a street bike does not cancel out nerdy qualities possessed by individuals, it actually amplifies them.

 

 

This Just In: Tiger Woods hit a ball into a hole with a stick and did that one fist in the air thing again.

 

City of Ogden Holds Development Conference

On the agenda is bringing new ideas to the table, and ways of implementing them.  Recent changes have included tearing out the downtown mall, and placing couches on front lawns across the city.

President of the board, Jim Henderson: "While focusing on both of our exports (dog food and crank) has helped our city maintain a certain level of growth, I believe development of the sidewalk condo will entice even more people to consider Ogden a place they can call home.

 

AOL Stock Ratings Down

Following the announcement of government investigations into the accounting for AOL, Goldman Sacks drops rating on AOL's common stock from 'market perform' to 'sell the fucker'

 

 

This Just In: Saying "I'm your huckleberry" in bar conflicts has slightly less impact than when Val Kilmer said in in Tombstone.