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|This Just In: Individual found who actually gives a shit about Rosie O'Donnell, her sex life, or anything that is even the most remote thing to do with her.|
|Breaking News: Rumors of Fred Durst removing hat declared false.|
Folgers Releases Muffler Series
In response to popular demand from owners of overly modified, under performing vehicles, Folgers plans the release of several muffler systems in the coming months.
The coffee maker is determined to achieve levels of weed-eater-like resonance previously thought impossible.
"Tragic - The Showering" Role Play
Numerous smelly fuckers across the country are already speculating on character designs and winning strategies for the role playing card game to debut next month.
"Outlasting your opponents in a fantasy realm full of soapy demons, shampoo trolls and toothpaste fairies will undoubtedly hit home for us all." says role playing aficionado Willy Barton.
Nuns Find Loophole In Sexual Abstinence Restrictions
Several nuns have recently realized cyber-sex does not fall into the many restrictions imposed on them by their vows.
Sister Harris: "We have found an incredible outlet for our deep, throbbing sexual voids...and it is nothing short of wonderful!"