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Guys in military surplus trench coats dubbed as trying too hard and failing at whatever look they were trying to achieve.



Theorists Probe the Duping of Americans

Duping of Americans into living debt riddled lives, has been analogous to placing a frog in cool water, then heating slowly to a boil.  The frog will stay in the water and cook to death, unaware of what is happening since the change happens slowly.  But when thrown straight into a boiling pan of water, it jumps out. 

Soaking Americans with interest on loans, credit lines and other financed amenities has financed most of the wealthiest companies in our nation.  Few realize just how much of their hard earned money goes to paying for interest alone.  Were they to get a bill for the full amount of funds they will pay over a lifetime, most would simply not pay it, and declare bankruptcy - like throwing the frog in boiling water.  But this will not happen, the financiers will always be one step ahead of the current mental outlook in our country, dazzling us with free hotdogs for the kids and increased caps on credit lines.

They are also looking into who was the sick bastard that discovered this about frogs?


Hesperia, CA Man To Miss Birthday Party

Reporters across the valley told news cameras of the details of the Hesperia man's unfortunate death.  Each reporter, at the end of their report gave pause, then solemnly stated, "Next week was his birthday", Like that makes any fucking difference.



Pervert Arrested

Larry Patterson, Omaha resident was arrested Wednesday, following "illegal contact" with a dancer at a local strip club.  "No Touchie, No Feelie", that's what the sign says, said club bouncer Butch Marin, while pointing to the sign at the club's entrance.  Patterson, "This is bullshit man, I asked the girl if she took plastic, when she said yes, I reached up to swipe my card and all of the sudden some bouncer is like, all punching me and stuff!"  While this is considered a clever move, and quite funny in some circles, we at Screaming Pickle can hardly believe we reported this.



Study reveals men who wear briefs are more centered, where men who wear boxers are tend to take sides.



Guy Faces Auto With Attitude

Wednesday, a guy slows his walking pace across street, as speeding car nears, forces it's brakes on.  According to some experts, when done with the proper level of attitude and toughness, body durability increases substantially against the 4,000 pounds of steel moving toward them at 40mph.  Though this should not be attempted by amateurs.

Car Face-Off Aficionado, Kerry Millsen comments on the art form, "The glare must be perfected before attempting this brave endeavor.  It is a corner of the eye glare, head tipped down slightly, and chest firmly extended.  Moving elbows out and arms slightly forward will also have significant effects on your intimidation factor.  One must put off an air of 'I dare you to hit me, if you do, I'll kick your ass'.  One secret, unknown to most, is to appear to be walking toward a primered Camaro, this alone can ensure you will completely total the vehicle, if it was to hit you.  The most important thing to remember, is not to flinch.  No matter how difficult it is, you can't let 'em see you flinching."  These comments and more, will be available within months in Millsen's new book "Kickin' Some Ass.  A Bitchin' Guide"