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Carlos Santana receives Shortcoming Achievement Award

The guitar swinging wonder has received the esteemed Shortcoming Achievement Award for managing to make a career out of music, despite only knowing 3 chords

The musical genius attributes his success to speaking with angels and beings from other dimensions, as well as "making the particles connect with the light"

English translation is unavailable at this time.


Breaking News: SUV Terrorist Attack Hits Nevada Shell Station


Kim Jong Defies Tradition In Talks:

"Out with the Power Ties, In with the Power Glasses." says the defiant sub-standard nuclear weapons builder.



This Just In: Man states he is "going out on a limb here" in recorded message on answering machine of a prospective date, then reiterates he is "going out on a limb here" at the end of his message.




Ebonics Search Engine Flops

The failure of the Ebonics based search engine was not due to lack of interest, but was a result of no one knowing how to spell Ebonics terms, with their wide range of pronunciations and "sky's the limit" spellings, software developers have given up on the move from Boolean to Ebonics.




Korea To Continue Hyundai Production
The tragic announcement from Kim Jong has the world in an uproar, as production of the sinister vehicles will continue, despite warnings and outright demands from the United Nations and President Bush.

Though ramifications of the announcement are largely unknown at this point, sources indicate this could be the first step toward war.



Breaking News: Rumors of the ozone layer healing itself causes hysteria among environmental organizations


Frustrated AOL user:

"What The Fuck does WTF Mean?!   I can't find it in the help section anywhere!!"