German Chancellor Condemns Italian Prime Minister on Nazi Allusions

Gerhard Schroeder of Germany has condemned recent comments made by Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, following a comment by Berlusconi comparing one German lawmaker to a Nazi concentration camp worker.

Schroeder: "Zats Total Vun Hundred Percent Bullshiest!  Ve never had Nazis.  Ve never killed Jews an zis is an outrage!"

Extreme Piercing Declining

In recent months there has been a sharp decline in extreme piercing of the face, nipples and genitalia.

Those in the industry site economic concerns but most experts attribute this decline to the general public realizing it is a completely fucking stupid thing to do.

Hasbro has set out to ease American tensions in regard to terrorist threats, post war retaliation, international weapons crisis and chemical / biological weapons concerns.

"Terror threats can be fun..." according to Hasbro spokesperson Jim Gustavsen, "...when you've got your right hand on red and your left foot on yellow, somehow it makes the threat of extremely violent death by weapon inhalation just a bit less eventful."

NAACP Sues Self in Racist Legal Battle

The NAACP has launched a frenzy of controversy in it's recent lawsuit filed against itself.  The charges are a result of referring to African Americans as "Colored People" for nearly a century.  This action has launched widespread controversy and upheaval among NAACP members and the general public alike.

NAACP officers were unavailable for comment at press time, but are scheduled to hold a public address early next week