The Man, The Myth, The Legend...

A Tribute to Chuck Norris


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These Chuck Norris "Facts" have been spread via email, discussion forums and personal web sites.  If you have one to contribute, submit it before you receive a round house kick to the face and cease to exist.

Chuck Norris' girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
 A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.  

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I
mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris
replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris ate a Rubik’s cube and pooped it out solved.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.  

Chuck Norris Also Played The Black Guy in Walker Texas Ranger

Chuck Norris is What Willis Was Talking About  

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.  

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.  

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.  

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.  

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris' glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Chuck Norris could kill himself and live.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

When asked cash or credit, Chuck Norris replies with a roundhouse kick to the face and walks out of the store.

Chuck Norris paints his walls by throwing people at them.

Chuck Norris' chest hair has chest hair.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn’t racist.

The "Fantastic Four" is a nick name for Chuck Norris and his package.

Chuck Norris once met a man who cried because he had no shoes after which he ripped the man's feet off and said, "Bare feet don't sound so bad now do they?"